hello, one & all...apologies for th deafening silence these last...umm-

three weeks already! - but reentry to bittersweet paradise home & family is

always difficult-

feels like i've run some kind of high-adrenalin 'mission impossible'

everyone disavows when i sit down to debrief.

then again, in th words of richard hugo,

'this is th bad time, christmas

& th myths are honed fine'

...it's become a recurrent season for mourning for me particularly since it

wd've been th first wk of january that i wd've become a father fifteen

years ago, 1985...but for th simple but overwhelming fact that i was not th love in th love of my life's life...

i just did my cold-turkey caffeine quit for two days when i felt a cold

coming on last friday- so i spent saturday & sunday- 'las octavitas',

post-three kings day weekend tail to traditional boricua christmas holiday

partying- nodding out to th tune of fourteen- sixteen hours a day as i

pushd myself to slog thru a freudian psychoanalysts' take on joyce's ulysses- 'th cast of characters'...

i had a great talk about possiblities related to some of my ideas last

night after my first espresso in three days around noon, no workout in four days either, so of course i couldn't fall asleep until nearly six in th

morning...

i've been rereading william gibson's 'count zero' today & i'm just a little

frightened @ how life is imitating art in th development of th internet &

th notion of 'cyberspace'...also funny how it's dated- written in '86, a lot

of th warring multinational conglomerates' names are japanese...

still, i'm in a state -mood?- particularly susceptible to suspension of

disbelief regarding th plausibility of any paranoid scenario my imagination

or any neighboring friend or flake's can conjure up, especially after

aol-time-warner-turner seems like a done deal...

& on that note, reviewing stick-shift skills for th organic growth of

two-way love traffic 'til next time...d=(8{>